Throughout my life, particularly in the last decade, I have had the privilege and blessing of being able to add “value” to the lives of many who I have come across.
My personal identification to all of these individuals was that of a Mentor, Coach, Guide, and for some just a Friend.
Following many personal setbacks and thereafter assimilating many learnings on the objectives of life and its true purpose, I have used those by guiding individuals with life and career inputs. My endeavour in the process was to help them in creating a holistic living environment which is self-fulfilling to them, and to those who they touch upon in their lives.
These individuals, whose age groups ranged between 15 and 90, came from a variety of backgrounds, places and cultures and included working professionals, start-up founders, students, family, friends, acquaintances, individuals, couples (married, live-ins, and even same gender), etc.
There is a lot of professional and personal material which exists on what should be the ideal characteristics or traits which need to be possessed by Mentors / Coaches / Guides. And there are many definitions of the same. There are also a number of programs, which specialise in providing training and certification for each such role. (References to some good professional and personal reads at the end of this article).
To me, the definition of all these roles is simply synonymous with the basic human qualities of being kind to one another and being able to help / assist one another.
Simply put, a Mentor / Coach / Guide should ideally be a “Soul Friend”, someone who is able to positively touch the soul of another and in the process help it rise, and not fall.
In the early Celtic tradition, a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide was called an “anam cara” i.e. “soul friend”. “It originally referred to someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. This friendship was an act of recognition and belonging.”
Whether in professional or personal life, this is precisely what a Mentee seeks from and confides with in a Mentor. Hence, my view of a Mentor / Coach / Guide being a Soul Friend. For ease, I will refer to all these roles as a Mentor for the rest of this article.
Without trying to be prescriptive, I am providing a few characteristics which a Mentor should endeavour to cultivate. These are more by way of “simple soulful traits”, and are from my own experiences, my own thinking / views, and more importantly, learnings from my own mistakes. 😊
- Mentor should be someone who is able to nurture the Mentee and create an even more beautiful human being out of her/him personally and/or professionally.
- Mentors should not come across as someone from a position of “superiority” but be someone who is an “equal”, more like a “friend”.
- Mentor can be anyone, a colleague, family, friend, etc. The person should ideally be someone older who could provide a “guardian” type approach when necessary.
- Mentor should possess a lot of “empathy”; should be able to “understand and identify” with the Mentee’s point of view.
- Mentor should be “open minded and not judgemental” and should leave out “personal biases” in ensuring that any information discussed / exchanged is not “influenced” by such biases, but yet be ‘true’ to their (Mentor) own self.
- Mentor’s own “prejudices” around the personal background of the individuals should not become a reason for them (Mentees) being ‘deprived’ of “counselling / mentorship / guidance’.
- Focus should always be on doing the ‘right’ thing for the Mentee and providing the “right guidance” to the Mentee, even if the Mentee may think otherwise.
- Mentor should be “judicious”, but “forthright” and should be “emphatic”, but “never imposing”.
- Mentor should not be too “intrusive” or “interfering”. Mentor should provide the necessary guidance and thereafter watch the Mentee implement in her/his best possible way; akin to a sporting game e.g. Football / Soccer where a Coach watches from afar and prays for her/his player to perform at their best.
- There are “inhibitions” which people harbour and which surface as “fear”, making individuals behave in a way which otherwise as human beings they do not intend. Both Mentors and Mentees need to be cognisant and hence more “acknowledging and accepting” of such aspects of “human behaviour”.
- Mentor and Mentees are human and prone to “mistakes and errors”. Both need to be “accepting” and should be able to “forgive and forget”.
- Mentor should be able to “let go” of the Mentee at the “right” time. Similar to how a bird would let go of its little “child”.
- This is even more true when the Mentor cannot add any further “value” to the Mentee, or when the Mentee is not in a position to further “receive” or is not further “welcoming” of the guidance.
- Mentor should provide the Mentee with space and time, but yet provide the confidence to be available should the Mentee ever require any guidance once again.
- Mentors should ideally remain “emotionally detached”, without losing “sensitivity and compassion” for the Mentee. I have personally not been able to practice this very effectively 😊. I have always got emotionally attached to the person I am mentoring, and the parting has always been difficult for me. But the emotional connect allowed me to always do the best for them, even if at times they would have thought otherwise 😊.
All of us act as a Mentor and provide some form of Mentorship in our lives to the people who we encounter on a daily basis. I sincerely hope a few of the above pointers combined with the underlying skills required in a professional or personal context, help us in becoming better Mentors i.e. Soul Friends.
It is interesting to note that amongst everyone that I had an opportunity to Mentor in some way, I had never approached anyone, these were just people who I came across during my daily life. Most often these were young people who I encountered through my journey of life.
I do believe that the Universe and Divinity directs souls to us who need to be assisted. As I have earlier communicated, there is nothing more satisfying than spreading love and making a person smile, and positively touching upon a truly deserving soul, and in the process getting positively touched as well. ❤️
As usual, I would love to hear from you, so please do write to me using the Contact Form on this website as I would really appreciate your own views and perspectives on this subject. 😊
Thank you and God bless you. 🙏
Some suggested readings:
Things Every Mentor Should Do? – Harvard Business Review
What Mentors Wish Their Mentees Knew? – Harvard Business Review
Redefining Start-up Culture With Positive Mental Health Habits – MIT Sloan