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Divine Messages – 49 : Growing through Grief

Growing through Grief? – Swami Tejomayananda – Appeared
in Speaking Tree post on July 13, 2011

 

When Arjuna breaks down in the face of the impending war with his relatives, his charioteer, Sri Krishna, tells him that he must not grieve over the past, nor fear the future.


One may ask, “Why should we not grieve over
those who have died or are about to die?” Lord Krishna answers this question:

Never did I not exist, nor you, nor these rulers of men. Nor, verily, shall
we ever cease to exist in the future. (II:12)

Lord Krishna explains to Arjuna that there is only one Self. It is the
Absolute, the immortal Essence that dwells within the hearts of all beings.
When the physical form dies the Self or the Atman that has enlivened
that body does not cease to exist. It is imperishable and eternal. The Vedas
proclaim, “That thou art!” Therefore, why grieve?

There is yet another reason why the wise person should not grieve:

Just as in this body the embodied soul passes into childhood, youth, and old
age; so also does it pass into another body after death; the wise man does not
grieve at this. (II:13)

The body has been the object of our attention throughout many lifetimes. In its
evolution it has progressed through countless changes much like the stages we
experience in life. Identifying with the body we say, “I am a child” or “I am
an adult.” But we fail to see that these stages belong to the body only and not
to the immortal Self.

The “I” that was there in childhood, youth, and adulthood ever remains the
same. As we pass from one stage to another in life we do not grieve over the
“child” or “adult” body, nor do we crave for it. That particular body is gone,
but we are still here. In the same way, when this physical structure dies and
is no longer capable of supporting life, we take another body.

Therefore, the wise person does not become deluded by these changes. He knows
that even death is only a change and it is foolish to cry over it. We, on the
other hand, are affected not only by the people and events around us, but also
by physical factors such as hunger, thirst, heat and cold.

O Son of Kunti, the objects that are perceived by the senses are subject to
birth and death. They give rise to heat and cold, pleasure and pain, but they
have a beginning and an end; they are impermanent. Therefore endure them
bravely, O descendent of Bharatha. (II:14)

The sense organs give us the experience of heat and cold, sound, colour, smell,
taste, or touch. Those objective experiences lead to the subjective experience
of joy or sorrow. For example, when it is very hot, a cool breeze will bring us
joy. Conversely, when it is very cold, and we enter a warm room, we enjoy that
warmth.

Similarly, if we have extreme hunger or thirst, fulfilment of those needs
brings a feeling of contentment. Our experiences 
and moods change
according to the contact with the sense objects.

Experiences come and go. Therefore it is of no use complaining about anything;
instead we should endure all that we encounter in life bravely.

There is a saying, “What cannot be cured, must be endured.” However, this seems
to imply an attitude of resignation. A more positive approach would be: what
cannot be avoided should be accepted cheerfully. If something cannot be cured,
at least endure it calmly with the understanding that nothing is permanent in
this world. If we find that a situation is out of control, we need to keep
calm, wait a while and then see if we can do anything about it. For example, if
it is hot, we can turn on the air conditioner. But if the power goes off then
there is nothing we can do.

That person who is not agitated by the senses and their contact with
objects, and is ever balanced in pleasure and pain becomes a fit candidate for
attaining immortality or Self-realization. (II:15)

This deeper understanding of endurance leads us closer to our true Self.
Agitation, restlessness, and lack of endurance clearly show that we have
identified with the body and mind. The more we identify with them, the further
we are from our true Self, which is neither the body nor the mind. If, instead,
we keep our minds calm we are closer to our true Self.

In everyday life we see that if a person learns to keep his mind calm, his work
efficiency increases. If we practice endurance cheerfully, not only do we
improve our objectivity and efficiency in any given field of activity, but we
are also better able to understand the nature of the Self. That is why the
practice of endurance is so helpful for our spiritual evolution. Therefore, the
quieter the mind, the more we will be able to recognize the true Self within.

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